My Grim Adventures In Job Hunting...

Hello,

Believe it or not bloggers, some of us are desperate to get a job. But here is the problem. I'm a naturally honest chap and so in an interview if the interrogator asks me:

"What is it that you really want to do?"

I feel the urge to respond:

"I want to be a rock musician."

They roll their eyes and then I'll probably enter into one of my twenty minute lectures on the difference between a rock MUSICIAN and a rock STAR, and how I believe that rock has the power to move people and change the hearts of people more than politics, the encroachment of civil liberties, etc, etc, etc. If they don't cut me off, then I might even add that I believe that this music can belong in spaces where it is tied in with other more art forms (HA! Why the hell not? Gustav Metzger used to do amazing light shows for Cream and a few other bands and although he's the hard, controversial edge of Flux art,...he told me that it was one of the highlights of his life!").

Nonetheless, I need to get a job as my money is running out and I can't impose myself on my friends for too much longer. I'm asking around, submitting articles to and c.v's to newspapers, etc, etc. Very frustrating though... and I am one man all alone in a collosal city. I can feel the occasional twang of uncertainty eating away at my gut.

Still though, I'm a man of ideas and I'm sure that things CAN come together. One of the twists of having a self-obsessive, imaginative nature is that you can have ideas that seem so good but are always competing for the necessary personal attention to make them fly. Occasionally, my poor battered ego does for my confidence too at the moment.

I keep on trying to write songs when I'm back from job hunting each day. Its NOT happening. I feel starved emotionally at the moment, despite the intensity of what's going on, the emotions are blunt and foreboding instead of bright and inspiring. I'll keep the faith nonetheless. If anyone is looking for a chap with his acoustic guitar and some songs to support them then give me a call. I'd feel a lot happier if I had some momentum for music RIGHT NOW, it might even help my spirit for job hunting.

The weather is gruesome today here in London Town. Wet, sweaty, euuugh. There's a picture of James Jagger (Mick's 19 year old son) in the Evening Standard with a couple of blond beauties. Good on him, but you know what? These people should give the fella a break and not stick him in the bloody paper over it. He has the right to become famous, attain celebrity status on his own merits. It should be his choice (but then again, maybe he likes it...who knows?). As the days go by here, I am learning more and more about the superficial micro-environment here...its interesting how Sloane Rangers are still in the loop without much effort. All of this said, I would rather be ugly and angry than just confused and gorgeous. Life is much more interesting that way. The downside (but hopefully creative positive) to being so interested in oneself is that it reveals the cracks in your own character, and pretty much all the time at the moment I'm thinking negative things about myself, my vocation, my need to work creatively and to choose music as my medium. Then again of course, music chose me...and if I recounted a couple of stories about my "brief" as a writer here (which I'll do another time) then you'd realise why I'm so serious about the whole affair.

Apologies for rambling, I have rambling on my mind at the moment. I feel cold, my stomach tight, surrounded by people but isolated. SPEAK TO ME BLOGGERS!!!!

Peace and Love.

Tom.