Misfits, we ofcourse never fit.

Another sunny day here in England today. Cold but bright.

Very clear. Like my head right now.

Went out for a run around Hampstead Heath this morning. Great stuff!

Feeling the burn...Rocky style!

The adrenalin has kept on pumping. I'm in a poetic mood today. Had a run in with a couple of my housemates earlier. Should I write about that here? Hmmm, tricky one I figure. But okay...lets do this.

So, what am I thinking about it (as with all small things there is, as ever, a complicated matrix of causes, emotions and thoughts interlinking behind the transformation of molehills into mountains). Lets cut to the chase on this one a bit more. I seem to be getting a lot of criticism recently, today I had another one and it snapped something inside of me. Its all more awkward because the criticism comes from an indivisible unit of two, good longstanding friends, but always ready to pull people up on things which don't sit so comfortably with them. But how do you balance this out, to constantly walk a tight-rope of fitting in with others expectations there is a danger. It is after all, a bloody tight-rope. Very easy to fall off at any time and hurtle to your doom.

For this reason, I don't take this approach, because if you love people then you dissolve their rough edges or things that wind you up into your love for them, because that's who they are! You don't reject them in their individuality or attempt to mould them into a perfect fitting ideal of what should be spinning on around you.

Ah, (apologies for being so coded about all this) so what does this tell me then about where I stand in all this. Its very simple, we misfits, no matter how good the break or how open the door, do not fit. It is also something that makes us a very strong breed. We have an emotional self-sufficiency that we always have to fall back on (or rather into). We become well acquainted with rejection, but still walk wide eyed into the very place in our lives where this will happen. Some of us, will offer love without condition - and then find it difficult to rationalise why everyone else doesn't. It seems so easy. I get it all for free. Its not mine, I just pass it on from far far beyond.

Well, I can handle all of this. I know where I'm heading. That is the only permenance that I can find tangible in this life. Everything else, people, places, memories, they are all temporary. Most obviously reflected in my/our own physicality - I looked this morning at my face in the shaving mirror, I noticed the lines around my eyes, the prominant flatspot on the bridge of my nose, the traces of many generations and their unique genetic make-up woven into the fabric of my flesh and bone.

You see, I was right. I am eons old. We all are. But I am ofcourse, older than chemical, physical building blocks that constitute me...walk into your soul for a moment and you will find a better idea of just how ancient we actually are. I wrote a song about this once. Long forgotten now by anyone who's ever heard me play. I found the old tape for it the other day. Interesting how truth can often seem so dark in the context of teenyboppers.

Still a misfit, and strangely because of that, everything fits into place for me with great clarity.

Have a good one. I'm off to the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square.

Tom.