Smash Your Head Against A Brick Wall

Recorded last night after work, which followed on from Sunday evening's difficult sessions. It was all pretty uncomfortable. I can't get into a grove with it. I've recorded the same guitar and vocal track six times over the two sessions. I'm still not happy with it. It isn't good enough to ask people to exchange their dollar for it.

Maybe I'm beating myself up a bit on it. It isn't much fun, but has to be done. Its a times like this that I realise that music is something that I need to do, and not necessarily something that I always enjoy. Its pretty evident from this entry - I learn new things about myself every time I write - that my mindset isn't the best one to be trying to be creative at the moment. But as I said to my friend, future producer and prospective bandmate/collaborator, Llee, last night over the telephone...these are the times that mark out the best of us with the least talent, because we struggle on and work at it until the thread turns from straw into gold.

So, I will be working away at it again tonight. Desperately trying to find something, anything, everything that can open up a more fruitful creative pathway. It is all about recording right now...not outright songwriting...I can't write songs at the moment, something has switched off in me. Whenever I try and play a guitar, or sing something my mind gets flooded with a lot of bad memories and images. Its the devil's distraction. Its the pycho-creative front line of my fighting internal mindset. Like the trenches, or something like that.

Am going to keep at it.

Tom.