When I Slip, I Do A Really Spectacular Job Of It

Hello,

Had some bad news relationship wise yesterday, which scuppered my non-smoking after 43 and a half hours of hardcore cold turkey. I employed my tried and tested tactic of finding a pub, drinking two bottles of cheap red wine and smoking twenty Lucky Strikes. I then reconvened in a different pub, a chinese take-away and an hour of loud rock in a dark room later, for several pints, ten more Lucky Strikes and The Wall on MP3 player.

Ah, nothing like a good binge drink and intense smoking to clear the dead wood away from the heart. I haven't smoked at all today, and am back on the nicotine gum. This time we will WIN!

I had a weird dream this morning. I woke up at 6:45, and lay uncomfortably in my bed for a couple of hours before dropping off again.

I dreamt of walking into a building, quite modern and soulless. There was the earthy stench of damp, like the changing rooms at a Rugby Club. Upstairs there was a dimly lit bar, and down a slope there was shower room with clods of mud littering the space. In the bar I ordered a drink, cider I think, and ended up staying with the barmaid in her room. Then for some reason in the morning she disappeared, and I just figured that this was typical form for all the women I get involved with in my life. She was attractive, I think that her accent was Irish...I looked down at my phone and knew that her number was on it, and that I wouldn't ever call it. It made me ponder all the people, who I have never contacted. There are many possible pasts that are weaved- ghost like - into the jet stream of our evolution.

I then found myself at Stamford Bridge football ground, near where I've been working in Fulham and where some covert relationship action has been happening recently (which it seems has now, for the second time imploded, hence my mini-crisis). Into the stadium there ran a super modern train system, like the TGV, in blue and highly polished chrome. Highly efficient, and worked on by neatly presented Frenchmen. Next to the ground there were Greek villas. I left one of the villas and found my way to the outside of the ground where I met this stunning looking woman, who was very much like the one before but much warmer in nature. I felt protective of her, I sensed that some great disaster was about to happen.

When the second train arrived, the police and security guards were there. As it approached (there were young families waiting on the platform) something went wrong and Algerian men started jumping out of it and vomitting blood. We all thought that there was some-kind of doomsday virus on-board. I stepped back from the platform but knew that if it was pneumonic that I'd almost certainly been close enough and that I might now infect the entire population. The sky went red, and the impending sense of disaster soaked into my mind.

So, I escaped. I escaped with this girl, in her car with the world destroying itself behind us.

Strange, eh?

Well, I tend to dream strange things. The whole relationships thing at the moment is frankly shite, but at least I'm not boring. I'm sure that this is just one of those twists.

I am in good spirits. I have written some good things recently. Here's the chorus of a new song that I've written called 'Magnetism And Stars':

"Come fill this space with me,
Come share this grace with me,
I am drawn to her like a magnet,
I am programmed by the stars."

Tom.