The Winter, Smuggling, and Me

Beginning to get a bit frosty out there!

At least its still quite clear in the sky though.

I wrote some really good lyrics last night for a song called 'Have You Ever Been A Man?'. No. Its not about sex changes. Nothing like that. Its about men being men. Real men. Not just the pantomime stereotype of 'I can drink you under the table, punch your lights out and stop looking at my bird!' Quite a serious and aggressive set of lyrics. It will be a good song. Much more in my line, and a step away from the character based world of rock operas and vignettes that I've been focusing upon recently.

Speaking of which, I recorded Smuggler Sid a couple of days ago. A very silly song, about a rather shady and perverted fictional historical character. As is usually the case when I record something like this, I surprised myself with some of the musicianship. Its interesting how the simplest of musical ideas can come over so effectively when recorded. When I sit down and try to record something very fancy it almost always turns out to be less than perfect at best and deeply flawed with a one stop direction to the cutting room floor at worst.

Sitting here now, at work, in a call centre, in London...I am feeling pretty high creatively speaking at the moment. I worked thirteen hours yesterday (split over my two jobs), and when I finally got in 10:30pm I opened a bottle of cheap French wine and felt compelled to read through a couple of my note pads. I read out-loud the various bits of poetry that I've written at various times and often completely forgotten about. I am not a bad writer. None of it is polished as it should be, there is a tangle of ideas; good entwined with bad. But I figure that I'm on the right lines with all of this. A few pieces from the jigsaw need to come into place so that I can find the place for which I've been looking for so long, but I have faith, I have been awarded grace and I will realise my ambitions.

Recently, as some of you may have deciphered from my recent rather cryptic postings, I have been through something of a transition. A lot of people have fallen by the wayside in my life. Old flames extinguished (some more permanently than others), former friends now living ghost like in my present and removed from my future. Who chose this for me? I think that I did. Is this what is meant by defining one's own reality? I believe that it is part of it, and although this transition is uncomfortable, I know in my bones that it is a journey well worth making. In some cases the decision was necessary because of mutual delusion and lack of understanding of who is who.

Let me make this clear though, I have chosen solitude at times recently. This is a separate issue. I retain many friends, and find it very easy to make new ones - people who are of this/my moment - these are the people who I chose to be close to at this time. They too may disappear in time, who knows? And similarly, who writes or rather dictates the rules on this?

So, the future is looking bright. I really need to get some fucking photographs up here again! It needs to be done. There are some earlier in the blog (if you're interested), and there is an MP3 for a song that I wrote and recorded recently called 'Beer Bottle Joe'.

Expect MP3 postings here soon. Hope that all is well in your blogland, real life, and the rest of your jazz.

Tom.