That Fuzzy Place

I feel depressed. Very sad for some reason.

After the gig last night, I ended up alone not quite sure what to do with myself. Danny and Alex headed back up north straight after the show. So, I found myself sitting on my bed writing my journal at 2am.

I've had a long day today. I'm still tired. I still seem to be alone, I don't seem to want to drink -which is unusual - and so I'm at loss as to what I should do with myself.
Enough of the wallowing. Last night, was 'ok'. A very tolerant crowd, who I really didn't think would want the particular cup of tea that we tend to brew. We all made mistakes. We seem to have gotten away with it (but if you picked up one of the flyers from the gig and are reading this blog for the first time...then its a fair cop, guv!)

Still though, we did our job which was to sew another stitch in what we do as a band, allow me to progress the method of my own particular thesis and entertain - I hope - a few people on the way.. We have momentum for the first time in a long time. I've written a really interesting record for us to release in the form of the Flasher opera. It will help us stand apart, as long that is, as we are willing to stand behind it.

But are we in that fuzzy place yet where music, humour, art and violence combine to make entertainment. No. We haven't got there yet. We can do. We should do. We almost absofuckinglutely have to if we're going to go beyond the average. You see, we will never be pretty boys with Tony & Guy haircuts. No L'Oreal "st-st studio, L'Oreal studio line" for us.

Though, in our favour, we will only become stronger as the more beautiful looking around us watch their God given gifts fade around them. Hence we are rock musicians.

Tomorrow, I am off to Denmark Street to buy the new studio. It will be a 16 or 24 track rig, it will enable me to record demos for the Light Gate project in a way that won't be limited by technical constraints.

My hand is quite swollen from hitting my guitar yesterday, I have a few cuts - nothing like those of old - and I find the soreness quite welcome. It reminds me of who I am.

If you came to the gig, and you've laboured your way through this rather downbeat blog entry, then thanks for sticking with me. We seem to be set to play more at Gramaphone, once a month on a regular basis. I'm sourcing out some new venues in Shoreditch. Once we're a tighter machine, then we will be the best The Change type band that we can be.

Peace, love, and light to one and all.

Tom.